I am sitting in class right now. My professor is currently on a massive kinship system tirade that I'm pretty sure was inspired by the massive amount of cocaine that he snorted this morning.

I am having the time of my life right now. I love my boyfriend more than words can say. I love my classes. I love my friends. I recently had an amazing day at Disneyland and I can't wait to go back this summer on my birfday (July 15th, you are all invited!). I am going to the 2009 Sacramento State Legislative Seminar at the end of the month, wherein I have a large chance of meeting the Governator and other cool people who profoundly affect my life. I finished my RA application and am in high hopes that I'll get called back for a interview. Saturday is Valentines Day and for the first time in my life I have a Valentine who is planning an epic evening for us, the details of which he will not divulge aside from his admission of reservations in Westwood; my gift to him is a pair of Dodger tickets, but we will have to wait till April for that :) I had my first day of work yesterday and it was boring but easy, and the people are super nice. So yeah. Life rocks right now.

The only thing wrong with the world right now is that I currently am not eating Zao Chinese noodles. God dammit I might have to get some of those ridiculously overpriced things when I get out of class. Mmm I can imagine their smell they are so good and noodly mmm I wanna slurp them up.

In conclusion, I am happy but hungry, and hope that you, my lovely friends, are only the former.

P.S. Next time any of you are in Los Angeles, go to Philippe's. You will be forever ruined for all other French dipped sandwiches.

Damn I'm hungry.

I have decided that next semester, if I can get my hands on the equipment now that I'm no longer a film student and the USC School of Cinematic Arts is a possessive asshole, I am going to film a documentary of our lives at USC. It will be funny. It will be heart-wrenching. It will be romantic. IT WILL BE THE CRAPPIEST PIECE OF CRAP EVER FILMED. But I will do it. Oh yes. I will.

I may actually be in love with my new Frye boots. I wear them constantly, even in the house. They are boundless in beauty. I MEAN TALK ABOUT SEXY CAN I.

I have no more essays to write. I have a fire crackling in the grate. I have my dogs sleeping in the kitchen. I have miso soup on the coffee table. I have The Dark Knight in the DVD player. I have my dad in the next room, and I am happy :)

It's the little things, it really really is.

ETA: Also, I am so getting a job this semester it's not even funny. I live in LA, I should be able to eat at all the snazzy LA restaurants. And buy these boots in black. Yuuuuup.

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! TEAR IT DOWN! GABI SMASH, GABI SMASH!!!

So. My life. My life has been a bit of a roller coaster lately and all I can do is just let it take me on all these loops and drops and spins because I have absolutely no control over it. At least, that's what it feels like.

I'm on the brink of something and I don't want to/can't say what it is because if I say it then it makes it official and horrible and I can't deal with it right now. Don't worry, I'm not sick or anything (well, I am, but not terminally: I've merely lost my voice completely), it's more of an ~emotional~ thing. Yes, I am going to put ~squiggly lines~ around the word ~emotional~ every time I use it. Get used to it.

I am making edamame beans right now because that's all I have left in this godforsaken apartment to eat. And I don't have much money to go grocery shopping with because over the weekend I had to go to an emergency clinic in Nevada (I'll get to why the fuck I was in Nevada in a moment) because it was literally killing me to pee and they didn't accept my ~inferior~ California insurance so I had to pay 109$ for them to tell me something that I already knew and give me a prescription for it.

Now onto why the fuck I was in Nevada: Canvassing for Barack Obama in Las Vegas is hot, sweaty, dirty, angry, rude work my friends, but somebody has to do it, and I guess this weekend those somebodies were Aja, Carlos and I (plus, randomly, Rio). This was my second time in Vegas, and I have to say that I LOATHE THAT CITY AND ALL MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO INHABIT IT. But it was worth it, for Barack. Because he has a nice smile and so does his running mate Joe Biden. (And lookit how nice their smiles are together!) John McCain's and Sarah Palin's smiles, on the other hand, make them look constipated and demonic. This is what we were trying to communicate to Las Vegas voters this weekend, but not a lot of people seemed interested.

But in all seriousness, I hope that all of you who can are voting in this historic election. TODAY IS THE DEADLINE TO REGISTER IN CALIFORNIA so please please please educate yourself on the issues and get your voice out there! To participate in this election, even if it is just by voting, is so, so important for you and for the future of your country. And, if nothing else, when your grandkids ask you about it (because they will), you'll be able to say that you played a part, however small. SO VOTE PLZ BARACK'S SMILE WOULD WANT YOU TO <3 Oh, P.S. If you need more convincing that Barack and Joe are the men for you, ( enter here )

ok bye :)

You know, it's dawned on me before, but I'm just now *really* starting to realize how much of a film/book purist OCD freak I am. I really cannot watch any of the movies on surfthechannel.com because their picture resolution/sound quality isn't high enough for me to be able to enjoy them--I can only focus on how blurred Robert Downey Jr.'s face looks or how muffled Billy Boyd's voice sounds (two gifts from God which should never be tampered with EVER.) My absolute favorite way of viewing films is in a huge theatre, surrounded by people who are just as into it as I am; it's the way movies were meant to be watched. Explosions so loud your seat vibrates; the kids two rows down ooh-ing and aah-ing when something cool happens; the entire audience sniffling in unison when the lights come up and the credits role. Lovelovelove.

And I really don't enjoy reading books online. Reading fanfiction online is great; I rather like it, actually, which I suppose is because the internet is fanfiction's natural medium, just as the movie theatre is film's. That said, reading novels online pains me to no end. Because a book is meant to be read physically, the weight of it feeling solid and comforting and familiar in your lap, the pages smelling new and old at the same time. Yum, books. <3.

Aaaaanyway, I'm reading Watchmen right now on my computer, which is what prompted me to write this entry. I really like it so far (and I'm not a comic book kinda gal), but I can't help feeling like something's a bit off--I guess I just wish I had it physically in hand, instead of having to perpetually squint at my monitor in a pathetic attempt to glean all of the artist's little details. Ah well.

Uggggh I have so much to do today and I can't bring myself to leave my comfy bed.

TO DO LIST, in hopes of self-motivation:

1) Put clean sheets on bed.
2) Do laundry.
3) Do the Naked Dance to Lupe Fiasco's "Kick Push" Pick up some conditioner and body wash at the drugstore.
4) Diposit checks/cash into bank account.

OH! Update on the Disneyland preparations:
I made the hotel reservations the other day, but unfortunately the room with 2 doubles wasn't available anymore; I reserved the room with the 2 queens instead. Grand total: 450$. Do we know if Grayson can come yet?

AlexiscomingtomorrowAlexiscomingtomorrow!!! <333

ETA: I'm supposed to be doing allllll of this and instead I FFAF on ohnotheydidnt. Do you see now, DO YOU SEE, this is what my life has become people

1. So I'm convinced that Flight of the Conchords was created specifically for me. It fills that TV show-shaped void in me more perfectly than any other show has ever done. It completes me. I've never found anything as hilarious as I find "Mutha Uckers". I'm gonna pop an apple in his ass. He's gonna wake up in a smoothie. AHHHH HEART.

2. Who wants to go to the Dark Knight midnight showing with me, assuming the Roxy has one?!

3. WIMBLEDON OMG. Roger/Rafa Part Tres. SO STOKED.

4. Ummmm the end.

The teaser trailer for the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still is online. AND IT MAKES THE CINEMATIC ARTS MINOR IN ME UNSPEAKABLY GLEEFUL.

So that's all I'll say about that.

I hate waiting for torrents to download.

Happy 4th of Julyyyyyy :)

( The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well let's see. )

BORED. Stars, one of my favorite bands ever, is playing at Avalon in Hollywood in October. I want to go SO BADLY. Uggggh. Maybe I will, if I can get someone to come along with me.

Going back to SR tomorrow. Yee yee.

Umm OK so these are the films that I've watched during the past week that I've been at my dad's:

1) Scarface. I liked it.
2) Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. As we've already established, one looooong RJD-induced O.
3) Carlito's Way. Crap except for Sean Penn.
4) Chaplin. Mediocre but nevertheless entertaining film, RDJ positively GODLY as usual.
5) The Godfather Part II. UMMMM even more amazing than the first time I saw it. Gaaaaaaah so good.

WTF is up with Wimbledon btw? First Djokovic gets demolished by Safin (NOT that I'm complaining about this one, I loathe Djoko and any excuse to watch Safin do his sexy thang is OK by me), now Sharapova, Roddick and Blake are history, too? A Feds/Rafa final is looking more and more likely ... I'm stoked! Maybe Rafa will actually take it this year, but if not then I'll be happy for Roger as well.

Okedoke, off to pack up the guest room so that we can paint more walls ...

SO it's 3 in the morning and it occurs to me that I never update this thing, even though I read my flist daily and await each and every new entry with baited breath.

SO I THOUGHT I WOULD UPDATE. Because Lauren is in SoCal and Laurel is in Santa Cruz and I rarely see Beth and Kimmy because I've been at my dad's for the past week and the rest of you are just not in my life, really. Shame.

ANYWAY, as I say, I've been visiting my dad for the past week and basically all I've been doing is painting doors and watching Al Pacino films (am I the only one who is mega attracted to him?! I KNOW IT'S WEIRD AND UNCONVENTIONAL BUT THESE THINGS HAPPEN OK. Haters to the left, he's so hot in Godfather II) and reading about neanderthals and obsessing over Wimbledon (will it be Roger or Rafa idk IDK!!!) and downloading all of Robert Downey Jr's films. May I just state that all Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really is is one looooong RDJ-induced orgasm. And Zodiac made me feel really happy because my husband Jake Gyllenhaal is also in it but it also made me feel really conflicted because it made me think of leaving Jake for RJD. WHICH I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN DO because I just love Jake that much. But I love RDJ too much to just take him on as another boyfriend or manslave. IDK WHAT TO DO GUYS this is currently the most pressing issue in my life.

... which goes to show how boring my life has become, but guess what, after the year I've had I'm really glad of it.

Aaaaaanyway hmm what else is new with me. Umm. Nothing, really.

Back to watching Carlito's Way.

Um. I can't get over how much I adore online shopping.

Wow.

I can't wait until I get a job (*crosses fingers!*) so that I can spend allllllll the money I make SHOPPING ONLINE. Target! Victoria's Secret! Ahhhhhhhhh!

That Shoebox update made me so very happy.

I'm home from college. I'm home. FINALLY. It is hothothot here and there are actual TREES and FLOWERS and the air isn't so heavy with fumes that I feel like I'm tasting smoke and sometimes it only takes 5 minutes to get somewhere as opposed to a minimum of 45! And I can actually see the stars. I'm actually happy to have allergies, because it means nature. Los Angeles, I am OVER you like an annoying one-night stand who continues to text and call, and who even gave LA my number, anyway?

I am excited for the upcoming events:
1) Health & Harmony festival!
2) INDIANA JONES. It is not merely a film. It is an EVENT.
3) As is The Dark Knight.
4) Disneylaaaaaand!!!
5) Reggae Rising!

Lovelovelove. Love the Bay Area. I will always and forever be a Norcal girl at heart. LA, YOU HAVE NOTHING ON THIS PLACE!!!

Live through this
And you won't look back
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I am learning so much about life right now, and about myself. It's hard and it sucks and I want it to be over already. But I suppose it's all necessary.

I told him that I have been strong, and that's the one thing that I truly know about myself, that I can go through anything and never want to check out, because life sucks sometimes but it's also all we have.

I'm so sad. And he's so sad. And it was all so sad, and for him, it'll never get any better. And that's the saddest part of all.

But for me, it will. It'll get better again, so much better, and I'll move on from this and meet someone new and we'll fall in love and get married and have children and live to be 88. I know this. And that's what makes me luckier than so many others in the world.

I love my RA Rene because he makes me feel better :D

So I may have lost my wallet. But I may not have, because it may be in my car. But my car is a ten minute walk away and I really don't care enough to go and look tonight, because if it is there or if it isn't, it wouldn't make any difference to wait a day to find out because I've got my credit card with me. So nyeah.

If it is in my car, and I haven't lost it, it contains 80$ in cash that I received for participating in a health study last week. 40$ approximately will go toward the replacement of some empty Mac products. The rest will go toward a Threadless T-Shirt shopping spreeeeeeee :D So I'm very much hoping that my wallet is in my car.

I have Mango Nectar Juice and I like it.

I need to do laundry.

My life is lame at the moment, but I'm optimistic about it improving.

I'M SO FUCKING IN LOVE WITH LAUREN CAUSE SHE'S THE BEST EVAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!


...hella.

So sad.

I'm not going to lie, I cried a little when Laurel told me. He was so young, so talented, he would have gone on to make so many more amazing films, give so many more amazing performances. He was one of my first real girlhood crushes (I can recite most of 10 Things I Hate About You by heart) and he's remained one of my favorite actors since the first time I watched that movie, way back in elementary school, thrilled that my mom was letting me watch a PG-13 film for my birthday party. I was so happy and excited to watch his career take off after Brokeback Mountain, and all I could think about while talking to Laurel was that this is how people must have felt when River Phoenix died. So much potential, his career only just beginning. And he has a little girl. Christ, how sad.

January just needs to fucking end. Too much death and sadness.

Back at school and it almost feels like I never left. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to leave this suite come May. Honestly.

The current mystery of my life is the whereabouts of my case of water bottles. They were definitely packed in the trunk of my car, and I could have sworn Dad and I carried them up to my dorm last night, and yet, AND YET, I wake up this afternoon and they are no where to be found. Sneaky little water bottles. I will find you. JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE. AND THEN I'LL DRINK YOU ALL MUAHAHAHA.

Well that excited me more than it should have. O__O

Anyway, and I don't care how hazardous to my mental and physical health this is, I am having a torrid love affair with my electric blanket. Who needs men, I ask you.

This is quite a good soundtrack. The movie itself did not agree with me.

WOAH! My Macbook just now suddenly decided to try a new trick: It automatically underlines in red every word I misspell. Sha-weeeeeht!

Obama's Victory Speech.

Wow. Talk about inspirational.

Want want waaaaaant.

My New Years Resolutions are as follows:

1. Kick the lip-biting habit.
2. Exercise at least three times a week.
3. Get out there and meet new people.
4. Actually visit the office hours of my Professors.
5. Misplace and therefore forever lose fewer articles of clothing.
6. Fall in love whenever I can.

Things that will occur in days to come that I am excited for:

1. Tahoe with Sylvia. Weeeee, I get to see snow this winter! I've missed it.
2. Day in San Francisco with Grandma and Jay.
3. New Years.
4. Hair cut!!! I'm getting bangs!
5. My return to the City of Angels.

I wish you all the happiest of holidays. :)

ETA: Things I miss:

1. My piano.

I fucking HATE being sick! Whhhhyyyyyy did this happen?! Wait, I know why: you could probably freeze an icecube in my room because our heater is broken. Ugh.

I have to straighten my hair. Ugh.

I woke up the other morning with this huge epic montage streaming through my head about love, loss, betrayal, etc. It was pretty deep. I wanted to write it down, but it's the kind of thing that only really looks good on film.

Basically it got me thinking about the things I've done in my romantic life, and the things that have been done to me and to those around me. The innocent people I've hurt, the people who have hurt me, the betrayals I've committed and the secrets I'll never tell. Everyone deserves a break; everyone deserves a second chance. We're not perfect. We all do bad, regrettable things--but it should not be these things that define us. We do good things, too, and good things are done to us. We are good people, all just trying to make our way through the world. Sometimes we fuck up, but if we let our ghosts haunt every step we take, we'll live a life unfinished, incomplete.